I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
