I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
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