you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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