I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
