She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
