So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Randomize
