Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
