Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
