i don't like sucking hair
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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