you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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