i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
