I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
