My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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