peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
