apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize