You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
