Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
