ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
