i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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