I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
