Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
