no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
