happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
