every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
