Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
