He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
