You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
