she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
