My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
