my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
