guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize