How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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