please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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