i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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