I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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