I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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