All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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