Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
