I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
