i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize