Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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