the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
