If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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