the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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