No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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