I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
