so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
