Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
