the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize