Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
