We won't sleep together?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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