white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize