I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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