Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
