Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
