he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm having to shit out rocks
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
