Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
