Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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