hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My vagina just clenched in fear
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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