her vagina looked like bernie madoff
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
