Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize