She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
